Over the past 4 days I've been on a downward spiral. I have not been anywhere near who I've been for a long time now. I don't know what is wrong, but I feel something inside me festering. I hate it. I want it to go away. The more I hope for that to happen, the more it occupies my mind. If only I could pinpoint exactly what it was. It's causing me to regress quickly which is far from something I'm proud of.
My head feels heavy. It's like it's full of Jello and just weighs a ton. That's something else that I can't say I missed when I was on top of the world. I can't let myself be like this for long. I know I'm hurting people. I really don't mean to though. I thought I was past all this. What happened to me that sent me down this path again. What pushed me to the edge. Am I simply overworked? The old saying is all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Over the past 4 days I think I've been working just as long, if not longer than I have been home and awake. Still though, I doubt that is the root of all this. Something else, more meaningful had to have happened that subconsciously broke something inside me.
Did I lose something? Did I just lose my mind. After all, I totally forgot that my birthday is this coming Friday. I literally had no idea till Lauren mentioned going out to dinner for it. Whatever is going on..... I need to get out of it. I need to figure out what has happened to my mind and fix it. I just completed a major thing in my life with graduating and I'm not about to let my life go up in smoke again. I'm tired of it. If I need to hunker down and take some time to think about what has happened I will take it. I'm not going to continue hurting people who I love. Perhaps it's something that will simply blow over. I doubt it, but I'm still going to try and figure things out on my own.
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