Well it's been a while since I've been here huh? Well here I am, just a few short weeks after Hurricane Sandy basically uprooted everything I've known and cared about since my childhood I just like to report that I am ok. Realistically, there is but one reason that I am doing so well over these last few weeks. (Sorry ahead of time, but this is probably going to be one of those sappy blogs so if you don't want to read about it then please click the little red, black, grey, whatever colored X on the top right hand corner of your screen) As one could probably guess knowing who I am, that one reason is actually a person and it doesn't take a smart person to know who that person is. Yes, my friends/aquaintences/etc. that person is Lauren. Shocking right? Well let's look at some details from o say the past week or so.
Just a short time ago Lauren came to me and basically reconfirmed her feelings for me while at dinner. That right there was a great thing to hear! It's a little thing, but in the mind frame I was in largely thanks to Sandy, it really helped to make me feel pretty good. In the past week or so, things seem so much fresher again. I can't really explain how or why, but they do. I find myself doing more of the things I did when we first got together again. I can tell she enjoys that and whether or not she intends for it to happen, she winds up doing the same. We've been watching a few movies as of late too which is a big change believe it or not. One of which is quite legendary in name, but somebody had a hard time staying awake through it. The name of the movie and name of the person will remain nameless as they should not sleep during said movie. Overall it's been an enjoyable experience watching them with her despite the randomness of some of them........ That one.........
So over the past week or so things have been going great to say the least. Tonight though was something really special I think. So please, someone correct me if I'm wrong, but the following stuff was really eye opening to me and made me realize just how lucky I am to have this woman in my life. Okay, so here is the scenario. We are driving to one of our favorite places to partake in dinner (Applebees) and wouldn't you know who was the car directly in front of us.... My most recent ex. From the moment I saw her car thoughts were racing through my head knowing how both Lauren and myself feel about her. So as I drove along side of her to get around her I had to look. Once I got past her I looked back at Lauren and my God did 4 years of stuff come rushing back to me and opened my eyes to what kind of a person I was with then and what kind of person I am with now. I am not one to compare Lauren with any of my exes, but in this case I had literally no choice. The amount of good that Lauren has done for me since she came into my life is literally insurmountable by any other living being on this or any other planet. When she first met me I was just a guy with no sense of direction in life, considering dropping out of college, and had literally no self esteem.
It didn't take long for her to start changing me for the better without even trying. She encouraged me to stay in school no matter how down on myself I got. Now I have a bachelor's degree and am pursuing my dream of becoming a Vet Tech. She's helped me see just how good of a person I am. Therefore I clearly have self esteem now. Sometimes I feel like I almost have too much and need to tone it down a bit. Do I have a sense of direction in life now? Well I'll tell you about that in a minute. For now though, let's look at what was. When I was with my ex, yes we kissed, cuddled, did things that a boyfriend and girlfriend would normally do. The issue is that something had to have been missing. When I am with Lauren, doing the same things I did with her, it feels totally different. I feel like I am loved. I feel like I am 100% accepted for who I am and what I stand for. I feel like I am trusted and feel an immense amount of trust for her as well. Given the type of person my ex was, trust was never really there until the end when I foolishly let my guard down. My feelings towards Lauren are nothing like those that I have felt for anyone before. Could it be because I am older and more mature now and able to tell what is real and what is not? I think that may have a piece to do with it, but I also think it has to do with us being able to work out our issues without one party not saying their piece.
That is about the end of that little trip down the why Lauren is awesome lane. Now lets figure out if I have direction in life. I have been with Lauren now for over 4 years and I honestly feel like she is the one. Right now we each have school going on and other factors that are preventing us from really moving ahead in life. As soon as it is possible and as soon as we both are ready, I really want to marry this woman. Yep there it is for the entire world to see. Lauren, I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you. You are by far the greatest thing to have walked into my life. It did not take me 4 years to see this and you know that. It's just that after tonight and the past week or so, I've been doing a ton of thinking. When the time is right I will ask you to be my wife, I promise that. You are the most beautiful person I have ever met an never want to be without you again. You are more than just my girlfriend Lauren, you are my best friend who I can go to with anything and everything. So do I have direction in life? Not 100% but here is the overall plan of mine... Step 1 and 2 are capable of changing depending on how my schooling goes. They are in no order... Obtain my vet tech license and get a job in a animal hospital, ask Lauren to marry me. Step 3: Marry Lauren. Well there's three steps anyway. What happens after that is too far off to figure out right now. Of course, 2 of the three steps have a lot to do with Lauren. So yes I do now have direction in life to a degree! Again, when I was with my ex, I had none of those things mentioned in this blog.
So after glancing at where I was 4 years ago then looking at where I am now, I feel so much better about who I am and where I am in life. As I mentioned, I fully intend to stay with Lauren as long as I humanly can. This woman has done so much for me and I am fully committed to trying to keep her happy for the rest of my life. I'd go to the ends of the world for her and that feeling will never change. Lauren, you are my life, I love you with all my heart and sincerely hope that things continue to work out as they have been!
