Over the past 4 days I've been on a downward spiral. I have not been anywhere near who I've been for a long time now. I don't know what is wrong, but I feel something inside me festering. I hate it. I want it to go away. The more I hope for that to happen, the more it occupies my mind. If only I could pinpoint exactly what it was. It's causing me to regress quickly which is far from something I'm proud of.
My head feels heavy. It's like it's full of Jello and just weighs a ton. That's something else that I can't say I missed when I was on top of the world. I can't let myself be like this for long. I know I'm hurting people. I really don't mean to though. I thought I was past all this. What happened to me that sent me down this path again. What pushed me to the edge. Am I simply overworked? The old saying is all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Over the past 4 days I think I've been working just as long, if not longer than I have been home and awake. Still though, I doubt that is the root of all this. Something else, more meaningful had to have happened that subconsciously broke something inside me.
Did I lose something? Did I just lose my mind. After all, I totally forgot that my birthday is this coming Friday. I literally had no idea till Lauren mentioned going out to dinner for it. Whatever is going on..... I need to get out of it. I need to figure out what has happened to my mind and fix it. I just completed a major thing in my life with graduating and I'm not about to let my life go up in smoke again. I'm tired of it. If I need to hunker down and take some time to think about what has happened I will take it. I'm not going to continue hurting people who I love. Perhaps it's something that will simply blow over. I doubt it, but I'm still going to try and figure things out on my own.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Lets See Where My Taste In Music Has Gone...
Ok so fun idea time. I'm going to do one of those things where I put my ipod on shuffle and see what I get for 10 songs. The last time I did this was way back when Myspace was big. The results consisted of mostly Avenged Sevenfold, Eighteen Visions, and Bleeding Through. I'm pretty sure my taste in music has evolved and expanded since then, so let's see what I run into this time. For this fun little experiment I think I will skip the video game and movie soundtracks and just focus in on bands that I listen to. So here we go...
1.) Hello by Evanescence
I guess I'll type a little bit up about why I listen to these bands. From a musical standpoint, I think that Amy Lee, the lead singer of Evanescence has a great voice. Why I am not a huge fan of the band's newer material, the raw emotion and incredible music that Evanescence put out in the album Fallen is simply amazing and in some cases even entrancing.
2.) Death Anxiety by Bleeding Through
Well here is a blast from my high school days. Yes I still listen to screaming metal music. It's something I enjoy listening to. I will say though that I don't listen to it anywhere near as much as I used to. Ironically, the album Declaration, which this song is off of is really that last Bleeding Through album that I have truly enjoyed. In fact it is off the album that I enjoy the most of the four Bleeding Through albums I have.
3.) Tendencies by Hollywood Undead
Hollywood Undead is a pretty new band to me still. I have both of their albums, but I can't honestly say I like every one of their songs. The are a hybrid band that mixes metal with rap. Normally I hate rap and I am not a fan of the bands straight rap songs. The ones that mix it up a great deal I find pretty cool such as this song. Many of this bands songs have themes that make the person listening feel untouchable. The band also loves to make fun of many aspects of people's lives. Guess it's a good thing they wear masks huh?
4.) Out of Reach by Funeral For A Friend
Funeral For A Friend is one of those bands that I was not a huge fan of when I first heard them, but as time has gone on they have grown on me. This song is off the album Tales Don't Tell Themselves. Out of the three albums I have fr this band, this is probably my favorite, though Casually Dressed & Deep In Thought is also really good.
5.) Give Me Novacaine by Green Day
When I first heard the album American Idiot, I hated the majority of it. I did quickly fall in love with it and it's now right up there as one of my favorite albums of all time. The song itself is not my favorite off the album, but certainly does carry a sad message to it. That message isn't that hard to find once you know the story being told in American Idiot.
6.) Paradise City by Guns N' Roses
Here's a classic. It wasn't until recently that I started listening to this older rock music. Guns N' Roses is certainly a great band and I really cannot argue the fact that Slash is one of the greatest guitar players of all time. No further explanation is needed, just listen to the awesomeness.
7.) End Transmission by AFI
I was a huge fan of AFI's Decemberunderground and also enjoy this song off the album Crash Love. The album is quite different than Decemberunderground, but it is still a pretty solid album. AFI falls perfectly into the category of music I listen to.
8.) Last Night On Earth by Green Day
Here's another Green Day song off the album 21st Century Breakdown. This song has kind of become that little song that does nothing for me, but make me think of Lauren and how lucky I am to have her in my life. It's quite the beautiful song, so I figured it deserved the live video sung by non other than Billie Joe Armstrong.
9.) Helena by My Chemical Romance
Here's another oldie, but as far as I'm concerned, goodie! My Chemical Romance has been one of my favorite bands for a couple of years now and at this point, this is just classic MCR at its best! Enjoy Helena!
10.) Girl With Golden Eyes by Sixx:A.M.
Wow... Talk about a way to finish this off... The first time I heard this song I literally cried a little. This song is all about heroin addiction. At this point in my life I know plenty of people who have their issues with addiction. Sixx: A.M. is one of the most emotionally moving bands I have ever heard. The story of the album The Heroin Diaries is truly a musical masterpiece of tragic proportions. The lead singer of the band is a recovering Heroin addict himself. In fact he is the old bassist of another popular band. His name is Nikki Sixx and he cowrote the book, The Heroin Diaries to which this album was released to. It is an incredible story of life and death through addiction. In the end... Life is beautiful... Addiction is just a monster...
Ok so that's my 10 random songs. There is a severe lack of Avenged Sevenfold and Eighteen Visions in this list where as the last time, I'd say 7 out of 10 were those 2 bands.
1.) Hello by Evanescence
I guess I'll type a little bit up about why I listen to these bands. From a musical standpoint, I think that Amy Lee, the lead singer of Evanescence has a great voice. Why I am not a huge fan of the band's newer material, the raw emotion and incredible music that Evanescence put out in the album Fallen is simply amazing and in some cases even entrancing.
2.) Death Anxiety by Bleeding Through
Well here is a blast from my high school days. Yes I still listen to screaming metal music. It's something I enjoy listening to. I will say though that I don't listen to it anywhere near as much as I used to. Ironically, the album Declaration, which this song is off of is really that last Bleeding Through album that I have truly enjoyed. In fact it is off the album that I enjoy the most of the four Bleeding Through albums I have.
3.) Tendencies by Hollywood Undead
Hollywood Undead is a pretty new band to me still. I have both of their albums, but I can't honestly say I like every one of their songs. The are a hybrid band that mixes metal with rap. Normally I hate rap and I am not a fan of the bands straight rap songs. The ones that mix it up a great deal I find pretty cool such as this song. Many of this bands songs have themes that make the person listening feel untouchable. The band also loves to make fun of many aspects of people's lives. Guess it's a good thing they wear masks huh?
4.) Out of Reach by Funeral For A Friend
Funeral For A Friend is one of those bands that I was not a huge fan of when I first heard them, but as time has gone on they have grown on me. This song is off the album Tales Don't Tell Themselves. Out of the three albums I have fr this band, this is probably my favorite, though Casually Dressed & Deep In Thought is also really good.
5.) Give Me Novacaine by Green Day
When I first heard the album American Idiot, I hated the majority of it. I did quickly fall in love with it and it's now right up there as one of my favorite albums of all time. The song itself is not my favorite off the album, but certainly does carry a sad message to it. That message isn't that hard to find once you know the story being told in American Idiot.
6.) Paradise City by Guns N' Roses
Here's a classic. It wasn't until recently that I started listening to this older rock music. Guns N' Roses is certainly a great band and I really cannot argue the fact that Slash is one of the greatest guitar players of all time. No further explanation is needed, just listen to the awesomeness.
7.) End Transmission by AFI
I was a huge fan of AFI's Decemberunderground and also enjoy this song off the album Crash Love. The album is quite different than Decemberunderground, but it is still a pretty solid album. AFI falls perfectly into the category of music I listen to.
8.) Last Night On Earth by Green Day
Here's another Green Day song off the album 21st Century Breakdown. This song has kind of become that little song that does nothing for me, but make me think of Lauren and how lucky I am to have her in my life. It's quite the beautiful song, so I figured it deserved the live video sung by non other than Billie Joe Armstrong.
9.) Helena by My Chemical Romance
Here's another oldie, but as far as I'm concerned, goodie! My Chemical Romance has been one of my favorite bands for a couple of years now and at this point, this is just classic MCR at its best! Enjoy Helena!
10.) Girl With Golden Eyes by Sixx:A.M.
Wow... Talk about a way to finish this off... The first time I heard this song I literally cried a little. This song is all about heroin addiction. At this point in my life I know plenty of people who have their issues with addiction. Sixx: A.M. is one of the most emotionally moving bands I have ever heard. The story of the album The Heroin Diaries is truly a musical masterpiece of tragic proportions. The lead singer of the band is a recovering Heroin addict himself. In fact he is the old bassist of another popular band. His name is Nikki Sixx and he cowrote the book, The Heroin Diaries to which this album was released to. It is an incredible story of life and death through addiction. In the end... Life is beautiful... Addiction is just a monster...
Ok so that's my 10 random songs. There is a severe lack of Avenged Sevenfold and Eighteen Visions in this list where as the last time, I'd say 7 out of 10 were those 2 bands.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Summer Shudder
I guess you could say summer is in full swing for me. Work has been okay for the most part, some irritations, but that's to be expected. I just keep my head low and try to avoid stupid political crap. It seems to work out, but some people I guess don't realize I want nothing to do with it. Anyway... This blog isn't about work or anything of that sort, nor is it about conservation. Rather this little blog is about what's not going on in my life for once. Lately I've become quite curious about the appeal of certain things that are not a part of my life.
I'm not sure if it's that I am overconfident, ignorant, or just plain old missing something, but I cannot ever remotely figure out what the big appeal is with going to bars, getting hammered, and posting photos or your good time on the internet. I simply don't understand any of it. Nowadays employers check people's Facebook pages before an interview and well... I don't see how it is at all rewarding to do this. If anything it makes yourself look like an idiot to a lot of people while making yourself look cool to others who probably don't have their lives in order or have a true sense of decency.
I'm also not sure what the appeal is of going to a bar to simply try and get with a girl or guy. I've been with Lauren almost 4 years and she was certainly not a bar hookup. It makes me wonder if it's like a confidence thing or something else that people feel they can't legit find someone away from a bar? In particular, those who claim they want to have a good relationship I don't understand... If I was looking for a good girlfriend, a bar would be the last place I would even think to go to... At least I don't have that to worry about :).
I'm not sure if it's that I am overconfident, ignorant, or just plain old missing something, but I cannot ever remotely figure out what the big appeal is with going to bars, getting hammered, and posting photos or your good time on the internet. I simply don't understand any of it. Nowadays employers check people's Facebook pages before an interview and well... I don't see how it is at all rewarding to do this. If anything it makes yourself look like an idiot to a lot of people while making yourself look cool to others who probably don't have their lives in order or have a true sense of decency.
I'm also not sure what the appeal is of going to a bar to simply try and get with a girl or guy. I've been with Lauren almost 4 years and she was certainly not a bar hookup. It makes me wonder if it's like a confidence thing or something else that people feel they can't legit find someone away from a bar? In particular, those who claim they want to have a good relationship I don't understand... If I was looking for a good girlfriend, a bar would be the last place I would even think to go to... At least I don't have that to worry about :).
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