A scattered memory like a far-off dream. A far-off dream like a scattered memory. I want to line the pieces up, yours and mine.

Here we are yet again. Thanksgiving is tomorrow and for the first time in my life I will not be sharing it with my family. Instead I will be with Lauren and her family. Am I sad about it? I guess a little yeah, I mean it's always been tradition and I love it, but ya know what things have to change sometime. I love Lauren and my heart tells me that I should go with her. Therefore I am going with her and I'm looking forward to it as her family is fun too. Since Thanksgiving is tomorrow that means that tonight was the Point Boro Spirit Parade where the alumni from the highschool are allowed to join the band for the parade/pep rally. Well... The parade got rained out, but the pep rally was fun. We didn't get to play much which was a bummer, but I was able to reconnect with some people from my class as well as classes that graduated before and after me. It's crazy how people do and do not change. Not going to go into much details on who I talked to as I'm lazy and tired, but I think I'll be trying to keep in touch with a few people this time around. It was a shame that the parade was rained out though. I was actually looking forward to marching...

With the holiday season quickly coming and the end of the semester drawing near I'm starting to have to crack down on my two term papers as well as my group projects. I'm not worried about any of my classes, but the sooner I get this stuff done the better, the less stress, and the more relaxation I'll have as the semester closes out. I've met some decent people this semester, but we'll see if I keep in touch with them after it's over.

I have stopped playing Yugioh to try to get my life back in order. I was addicted to it and I see that now. Mabey someday I'll be able to play without being an addict, but until I'm comfortable enough with that I will not be playing. Instead I have retaken up on gaming as I've seen myself use my Super Nintendo more than any other system over the past week. I do love them older games. The point though is that I need to realize, and am, that there is more to life than a card game. There should be more going through my head that what my next deck will be or how much money will I spend out of my paycheck on cards weekley. Times are hard and I need to manage cash better, this is a step I would think in the right direction. Since I stopped I feel a bit better too. My anxiety has been lower, but that could have to do with my increased medication. I've been able to think of more things to do around Lauren, and am working fevershly hard to try and fix whatever may be broken.

Last little bit here... Memories of highschool, middleschool, and elementary school are nightmares. Many of them I wish I could forget, but I really just cannot. It's a part of my past that will probably wind up haunting me for the rest of my life, but after returning to the place that caused me soooo many problems tonight I realized something. I've been out of that situation for 3 years now and I have been fearful of my past and insecure about it, but you know what... I really have to start looking at it in a different way. Instead of looking back and trying to figure out why I didn't fit in, I need to look at the result of not fitting in. If I fit in with the crowd back in school chances are I'd be smoking or drinking or both. Odds are I'd have been in a lot more trouble than I was. Chances are also great that I would have been involved in a lot more school activities, but in the end me being an individual was really a blast. I look back now and say "Ya I was different. Ya I wanted nothing to do with the norm. Ya I like things that most people don't." Most importantly I say "If I wasn't the way I was in highschool, an individual, I wouldn't be the person I am today which is something I am proud of." The fact that I have lived my life the way I have through all the pressures I've faced is I think impressive. I'm not trying to sound high on myself by any means, but this is how I feel after all these years.

The Left Isn't Better, It's Just More of The Same...

Before moving into the main point of this blog I have a small message to everyone.


As you may have guessed Sea Shepherd is getting ready to depart for the Southern Ocean for their next anti whaling campaign entitled Operation: Waltzing Matilda on December 7th. This time is quickly approaching and the two Sea Shepherd vessels, the Steve Irwin and Ady Gil are waiting to go in Australia. This year Japan is seeking to slaughter around 935 Minke Whales as well as an unannounced number of endangered Fin Whales. Japan had considered adding Humpback Whales to their quota, but severe pressure from nearly every other country in the world has dissuaded them. During the campaign the Sea Shepherds hope to continue to hamper whaling at all costs including new tactis such as positioning the Ady Gil between the harpoon vessels (Yushin Maru 1,2,3) and whales. The Ady Gil's speed will be more than enough to outmaneuver the whaling vessels. More to come on Waltzing Matilda soon.
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I'd like there to be a clear break in this blog between that message and the rest of the blog. This blog is just basically an apology and well yah that's about it. It's no secret that Lauren and I have been having some problems lately, and the problems I put on myself. I have made wrong and stupid choices. I have tried to run away from my problems. I have not shown near enough care. I have not by any means done all I can do for this relationship. I have had my priorities backwards. I have been creul and nasty. I have done many things yet..... I have another chance. Lauren, I don't know why you would give me this chance. Perhaps it's because you do love me, but even then I still don't know how you can try to stay with me. I have failed in all aspects of this relationship, yet here you are still with me. You are an amazing person and yet you settle for me. I don't know why and I know I have a lot of work to do. I'm going to make changes in myself because you know what? Your my everything, my inspiration, my best friend, and I love you dearly. With that being said. You are far more important than any card game, video game, board game, shark, reptile, whale, you name it. For you I would give up anything. For you I would take a bullet. For you I would spend every last penny I own. For you I will treat you with a lot more respect. For you I will stop being such a jerk. For you I will do the little things whatever they may be at the time. For you I'll watch whatever movies you want. I don't care what I have to do to make things right, but believe this. I WILL. I love you Lauren and I am so sorry for everything.

Write It On The Walls And Read It. Blood Red So You Can See It.

It's only been a few days since my last installment here, but there has been enough happening that I can muster together another now rather than later. It seems that I have finally begun to succumb to my yearly bout with the common cold. I've been trying hard to fight it with vitamin C and tylenol, but it seems that it's gotten the best of me for now. Oh well a stuffed nose and a lot of sneezing isn't going to stop me from doing anything. I still plan on doing everything I would normally do including possibly going to see the Devils play my favorite Western Conference team, the Ducks. That would be exciting and I hope I get to go. Some bad news from this week. My laptop computer is out of commission for a little while. It's either a fried motherboard or a broken LCD screen. Either way that's about another $400 down the tubes. Could be worse though right I mean I could need a whole new computer. Otherwise not a whole lot. I'm bored so I figured I'd tell the world about my computer problems as well as my contraction of the deadly disease known as the common cold.

They Do Whatever They Want

So this blog is going to be a little bit different. If your looking for a conservation message about sharks or whales or anything like that don't look here today cause I just simply don't have any right now. This blog is just going to be a little bit of venting about people and my personal life. If you decide to read it do me one favor and that would be please do not judge me based on the contents of this blog. Thanks in advance for that. Now on with the reason I'm sitting here and not in bed.

I feel like I've done all I can do. Just with everything really. I feel that at work I have accomplished all I can, which is less than I'd hoped. With relationships both friends and closer I feel that I've hit a brick wall in which things are stagnent and nothing is improving. When it comes to school I look at finished works and just think that I know I can do better, but I just can't. At the same time though I don't know if it's all in my head as I'm doing better this semester so far than any one prior. I guess I just feel like time is going by, but I'm not moving and I'm frozen in one spot in time where I just want to move on and continue to improve on things. I guess it could be worse and things could go backwards, but it is frustrating none the less to watch time fly by and be able to do nothing new.

Other than that life is going fine I guess. Nothing really exciting has happened since the Manatee rescue. In fact since the rescue life has been well....quiet... very very quiet with a lot of nothing happening. It's my fault though cause I don't go out and do things. Wait I never have so why is it that now I want to. I used to be so content with just sitting around and playing videogames. Granted I still enjoy it, but I don't get the thrill from it that I used to with the exception of the Kingdom Hearts series. That's about the only thing that gets me going game wise nowadays.

I dunno I guess I just wish now that I was a little more outgoing back in the day, but there's nothing I can do about that now. In the beginning of the semester I was contemplating trying to start some new friendships, but seemingly everyone I've met this year I would not dare to talk to outside of school. I mean the amount of group work that I was dreading is going fine, I'm very active in the work, but I just don't feel any kind of connection with myself and the other members of the group... Mainly cause I don't drink and in all of the groups I'm a part of... They all do and have their own drunken stories. I guess not drinking is a choice that will continue to alienate me from people on campus, but I won't be changing that decision any time soon. It's still my choice if I drink or smoke and I just choose not to and it kind of does suck cause in this day and age almost everyone does. Oh well all I can do is continue to hope that I can find some people who don't right?

On a closing note though....... All of my reptiles are healthy, happy, and not so small anymore......