Days like these really make me think. I had a lot of time today to myself and I let my mind wander around like a small child left in a crowed store searching for his or her parent. However, I wasn't looking for a parent, I was looking for nothing really. My thoughts were literally all over the place, it was in short a very mentally exhausting day. So I think I'll divulge into some of the things I've thought about today to kind of get them out in the open and out of my mind.
The first thing I was thinking about on this very hot day was what in the world happened to my social life? Yes I have a social life, I'm aware of that. I go to school. I go to work. I see Lauren. The issue is though... I feel like I have no guy friends that I can just hang out with and just basically be guys. I feel like the very few people I decided to stay in touch with are drifting away. One of which I think is because I no longer play Yugioh competitively, but that's another story. I don't know, perhaps its for the best. The other I just feel like we're going in two different directions. He has his friends and they do what they do, but I just feel that sometimes I get forgotten about when weeks go by without hearing a word...
Next I realized that though I've felt on top of the world, I still do have some problems with depression. Today I just felt down through the majority of the day. I had hoped that I had gotten passed it, but apparently I haven't just yet. It was a tiny set back, but I know I gotta just keep going. I know not to give into the feelings I am having, but to continue working on what I know I can work on.
The biggest thing I had an issue with today was because of class. We were talking about forgiveness and if there were people in our lives that we had not forgiven. A lot of feelings came bubbling up about my most recent ex, and they were not good at all. Huge setback for me here... Caution... Foul language may ensue ahead... Then again... It may not... We talked about the things that people did that caused us to feel like a victim. Since we were talking about people in our past, she came rushing to the forefront of my mind and boy did I have a freaking lovely time remembering the things she said and did to me. It sucked thinking about how she literally took my trust, faith, and everything else and smashed it into twenty million pieces. Times got real tough during that time and I have not and will not forgive her for it. Call it what you will, but this is my feelings on the subject. Afterall...
Since that time, things have been incredible and looking back on it, it was for the best, but how it went down was simply pathetic. I've heard and seen break ups over texting or telephone, but I never thought it would happen to me, but it did and it sucked. It took me a long time to trust anyone the way I trusted her, but I did learn to despite the fact that it was not easy. When Lauren and I first started going out, I had serious, serious trust issues. I was paranoid beyond all reality about just about everyone. I felt like I had to be on edge and keep a huge defense up to ensure that I would not be hurt like that again. I guess you could say I was scared back then. Even after 1 year, I still was a nervous wreck.
All of this came back to me during this class and it was tough to deal with, but something happened that never happened before. I actually dealt with it! I didn't sulk, I didn't cry in a corner, I didn't call Lauren in a depressed fit. No I dealt with it myself. I reaffirmed with myself that all of this happened for a reason. In the case of mine and Lauren's relationship, it probably all turned out for the best. After all we are now closer than ever and are basically inseparable. I have no worries about her leaving me. I have a stronger trust with her now compared to anyone I have ever had in any of my past relationships.
Trust is a word that has always meant a lot to me. For a long time my motto was "Don't trust anyone". It was how I lived my life and it sucked big time. So I tried to trust someone and it was smashed sending me right back into that mindset. Then this one girl for some reason or another decided that she wanted to deal with it as long as it took me to get my head on straight and establish a close trusting relationship. I never for one second thought that anyone could be this dedicated to a relationship that had just started.
The whole point of this is that believe it or not, despite the fact that I will not forgive my ex for the things she did to me. She did teach me a valuable lesson and the lesson I learned have spilled into a nearly 3 year relationship. This lesson was that I was never to give 100% trust to anyone again unless a long period of time had passed and a special feeling unlike any other is felt. This relationship with Lauren is so special to me. It's like nothing I've felt before. I'm not sitting here saying "Oh I love you blah blah blah we're going to get married blah blah blah lets run away blah blah blah." Rather I'm sitting here saying that the feeling I have with Lauren is a special one that I've honestly never really felt before. Have I thought about getting engaged to her? At this point, yes I have, but we both know that we need to get a little closer to being done with school before we start to go any further in our relationship. We've talked and we both agree that this is the healthiest thing for our relationship. In the mean time, we will continue to work out whatever little kinks that exist in our relationship and continue to grow stronger together. Even as we start to see each other less and less due to adverse work schedules, we continue to grow in strength. The times that we do see each other though, we have a blast and take every opportunity to do some kind of activity together. These can be as small as playing a game or going out on a date. When we have the time, we are together!
It's funny that as I wrap up this blog, I now have a smile on my face. Perhaps I just needed to vent out my feelings on the day. Or perhaps I can just think of Lauren and smile? Either way though time alone and a class involving conflict can cause some negative feelings to bubble up, but I am actually proud of the way I handled it all today. It exhausted me to no end, but I did not do anything I would have used to do. Tomorrow is another day and hopefully I'll be able to see Lauren and I'll be back to 100% once more.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
New Jersey Shark
So this blog is about sharks that visit New Jersey. There is a large portion of people in this state that have no idea that sharks swim in the ocean just off the New Jersey Coast. Here in New Jersey we get an incredibly wide variety of sharks that come close to shore and hang out offshore. Lets do a quick rundown of some of the more endangered species of shark that you can find swimming right along side of you as you swim in the ocean this summer!
Sandbar Shark (Carcharhinus plumbeus)
These sharks stick true to their names and tend to be seen in shallow waters. Out of all the large sharks that can be found in New Jersey, the sandbar shark is the most common. These sharks are seen pretty much every year cruising through the surf in search of small fish, crabs, and lobsters. Despite the fact that they are so common and big, these sharks are not known to be aggressive towards humans and are known to scare easily. They can grow to be about 6 feet long and are easily distinguished from other sharks by their very large dorsal fin. This species of shark is also known as the brown shark despite the fact that is gray in color. Sandbar sharks are currently listed as "VULNERABLE" on the IUCN's Red List. This means that on the endangered species ladder, they are just one step away from being endangered. The primary threat to these sharks is overfishing and shark finning.
Sand Tiger Shark (Carcharias taurus)
The sand tiger shark is probably the most ferocious looking shark that you can find in New Jersey. However, it is one of the most docile. The only time sand tiger sharks have been known to attack swimmers and divers is when they are provoked first. This generally passive nature has led them to get the nickname the gray nurse shark and their ferocious looking teeth have given them the nickname ragged tooth shark. These sharks are usually found in deeper water, can grow to 8 feet in length and are actually social! That's right social! These sharks have been found in caves together resting before going out on their own to hunt at night. Groups of over 100 sand tiger sharks have been seen hanging out with each other. Since they do not come in contact with swimmers and only attack divers when provoked, the sand tiger shark is considered to be harmless towards humans. Sadly, much like the sandbar shark, the sand tiger shark is currently listed as "VULNERABLE" on the IUCN's Red List. Also, much like the sandbar shark, the primary threat these animals face is overfishing and shark finning.
The Great White Shark (Carcharodon carcharias)
Probably the most famous shark in the world, for no good reason at all. The great white shark has been the center of fear and imagination since the movie Jaws came out. This fish is probably the most misunderstood animal in the world. Are they aggressive? Yes. Are they dangerous? Yes. Are they vicious man eaters? NO. Do they just want to eat everything they see? NO. Do they pick on humans just for fun? NO. Do they roar? NO. Do they perform incredible acrobatic tricks? Actually in certain parts in the world they do, but not in New Jersey. In fact, this past summer there were a couple sightings of great white sharks swimming just offshore this state. Was there a single attack? NO. In fact, great whites swim off the coast of New Jersey quite regularly and most people don't even realize it. The great white shark is considered to be an ENDANGERED SPECIES. In fact, many scientists feel that there are more tigers left in the world than great whites. These animals are in dire need of protection that they are slowly starting to receive. The reason these sharks have seen their populations plummet is the fact that they have been hunted to near extinction. Much of this was spawned out of fear instilled in people by Jaws and other shark attack movies.
Scalloped Hammerhead Shark (Sphyrna lewini)
Another shark that fascinates millions of people around the world. This shark is one of the most famous sharks in the world because of their hammer shaped heads. They have been seen together in large schools and on their own. 2 years ago, a small school of these sharks were seen swimming near Martell's Tiki Bar in Point Pleasant N.J. No attacks occurred as the sharks were just cruising through the water looking for small fish. This shark is by no means a common site in New Jersey, but when they are here, they are quite the site to behold! Despite their beauty and amazing features, these sharks are an ENDANGERED SPECIES! The main reason for this is that they are hunted pretty much nonstop for their fins.
Those are just a few of the more endangered species of shark that you can find living in New Jersey. Some of the other species of shark that you can find both in New Jersey and on the endangered species list include Whale Sharks, Basking Sharks, Shortfin Mako Sharks, Great Hammerhead Sharks, Tiger Sharks, Nurse Sharks, Lemon Sharks, Blue Sharks, Thresher Sharks, Smooth Dogfish, Porbeagle Sharks, and even Bull Sharks. All of these sharks are in dire need of help and this state is really not doing its part. One sure fire way to tell is the fact that right here in Point Pleasant Beach there is a shortfin mako kill tournament that takes place every year. The Mako is the worlds fastest shark and it is being hunted to extinction with virtually no help... Again though... These sharks are just some of the sharks that you may encounter either out on the ocean on a boat or swimming in the surf. Again these animals are magnificent creatures and should be treated with respect.
Sandbar Shark (Carcharhinus plumbeus)
These sharks stick true to their names and tend to be seen in shallow waters. Out of all the large sharks that can be found in New Jersey, the sandbar shark is the most common. These sharks are seen pretty much every year cruising through the surf in search of small fish, crabs, and lobsters. Despite the fact that they are so common and big, these sharks are not known to be aggressive towards humans and are known to scare easily. They can grow to be about 6 feet long and are easily distinguished from other sharks by their very large dorsal fin. This species of shark is also known as the brown shark despite the fact that is gray in color. Sandbar sharks are currently listed as "VULNERABLE" on the IUCN's Red List. This means that on the endangered species ladder, they are just one step away from being endangered. The primary threat to these sharks is overfishing and shark finning.
Sand Tiger Shark (Carcharias taurus)
The sand tiger shark is probably the most ferocious looking shark that you can find in New Jersey. However, it is one of the most docile. The only time sand tiger sharks have been known to attack swimmers and divers is when they are provoked first. This generally passive nature has led them to get the nickname the gray nurse shark and their ferocious looking teeth have given them the nickname ragged tooth shark. These sharks are usually found in deeper water, can grow to 8 feet in length and are actually social! That's right social! These sharks have been found in caves together resting before going out on their own to hunt at night. Groups of over 100 sand tiger sharks have been seen hanging out with each other. Since they do not come in contact with swimmers and only attack divers when provoked, the sand tiger shark is considered to be harmless towards humans. Sadly, much like the sandbar shark, the sand tiger shark is currently listed as "VULNERABLE" on the IUCN's Red List. Also, much like the sandbar shark, the primary threat these animals face is overfishing and shark finning.
The Great White Shark (Carcharodon carcharias)
Probably the most famous shark in the world, for no good reason at all. The great white shark has been the center of fear and imagination since the movie Jaws came out. This fish is probably the most misunderstood animal in the world. Are they aggressive? Yes. Are they dangerous? Yes. Are they vicious man eaters? NO. Do they just want to eat everything they see? NO. Do they pick on humans just for fun? NO. Do they roar? NO. Do they perform incredible acrobatic tricks? Actually in certain parts in the world they do, but not in New Jersey. In fact, this past summer there were a couple sightings of great white sharks swimming just offshore this state. Was there a single attack? NO. In fact, great whites swim off the coast of New Jersey quite regularly and most people don't even realize it. The great white shark is considered to be an ENDANGERED SPECIES. In fact, many scientists feel that there are more tigers left in the world than great whites. These animals are in dire need of protection that they are slowly starting to receive. The reason these sharks have seen their populations plummet is the fact that they have been hunted to near extinction. Much of this was spawned out of fear instilled in people by Jaws and other shark attack movies.
Scalloped Hammerhead Shark (Sphyrna lewini)
Another shark that fascinates millions of people around the world. This shark is one of the most famous sharks in the world because of their hammer shaped heads. They have been seen together in large schools and on their own. 2 years ago, a small school of these sharks were seen swimming near Martell's Tiki Bar in Point Pleasant N.J. No attacks occurred as the sharks were just cruising through the water looking for small fish. This shark is by no means a common site in New Jersey, but when they are here, they are quite the site to behold! Despite their beauty and amazing features, these sharks are an ENDANGERED SPECIES! The main reason for this is that they are hunted pretty much nonstop for their fins.
Those are just a few of the more endangered species of shark that you can find living in New Jersey. Some of the other species of shark that you can find both in New Jersey and on the endangered species list include Whale Sharks, Basking Sharks, Shortfin Mako Sharks, Great Hammerhead Sharks, Tiger Sharks, Nurse Sharks, Lemon Sharks, Blue Sharks, Thresher Sharks, Smooth Dogfish, Porbeagle Sharks, and even Bull Sharks. All of these sharks are in dire need of help and this state is really not doing its part. One sure fire way to tell is the fact that right here in Point Pleasant Beach there is a shortfin mako kill tournament that takes place every year. The Mako is the worlds fastest shark and it is being hunted to extinction with virtually no help... Again though... These sharks are just some of the sharks that you may encounter either out on the ocean on a boat or swimming in the surf. Again these animals are magnificent creatures and should be treated with respect.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
At Last...
At last my silence has been broken. After nearly a month, I have finally decided to type up a brand new blog... Well lets see what's gone on since my last blog... First off lets talk grades. My grades for the Spring 2011 semester are as follows.
Modern Israel: A-
Social Psychology: A
The American West: B+
America In Vietnam: B+
The First World War: A
Needless to say that I am very pleased with these grades and so far my summer course has been running very smoothly despite the fact that its moving twice as fast as a normal class would. More on that though as this summer semester ends.
So what else has been going on? Well I've been working basically full time at the Aquarium and boy have I ever been busy. I have been trained to be a feeder, meaning on certain days I am the one responsible for preparing food for every animal in the Aquarium. I've been getting busy with the summer activities coming up as well including the 20th Anniversary Party and Shark Week. My hands are full, but oddly enough I'm not stressing about it at all, which is very, very strange for me. Perhaps its because I know that it will all work out. Time will tell though!
So I am now just a few weeks away from going to Mexico on vacation with Lauren and her family. I'm starting to really look forward to going. It is going to be a great time and from the sounds of it, I'll be in the water for a good portion of the trip which is, well for me... Awesome?!?!?! Yeah that's a good word for it. Some other things that I'll be looking for to such as... Different wildlife, relaxation, and a bunch of memories that will last a lifetime. This will be my first big trip away from home and I am blessed to be going with such great people!
Well that is about all that I can think of that's noteworthy in life right now. Oh forgot to mention that people in the past keep randomly showing up. I think I've seen more of my ex classmates over the past few weeks than I have in like 4 years? Kinda weird, but it's nice to see that some people are doing well. Others... Well lets just say have made some not so good decisions and have even screwed themselves over twofold.
Modern Israel: A-
Social Psychology: A
The American West: B+
America In Vietnam: B+
The First World War: A
Needless to say that I am very pleased with these grades and so far my summer course has been running very smoothly despite the fact that its moving twice as fast as a normal class would. More on that though as this summer semester ends.
So what else has been going on? Well I've been working basically full time at the Aquarium and boy have I ever been busy. I have been trained to be a feeder, meaning on certain days I am the one responsible for preparing food for every animal in the Aquarium. I've been getting busy with the summer activities coming up as well including the 20th Anniversary Party and Shark Week. My hands are full, but oddly enough I'm not stressing about it at all, which is very, very strange for me. Perhaps its because I know that it will all work out. Time will tell though!
So I am now just a few weeks away from going to Mexico on vacation with Lauren and her family. I'm starting to really look forward to going. It is going to be a great time and from the sounds of it, I'll be in the water for a good portion of the trip which is, well for me... Awesome?!?!?! Yeah that's a good word for it. Some other things that I'll be looking for to such as... Different wildlife, relaxation, and a bunch of memories that will last a lifetime. This will be my first big trip away from home and I am blessed to be going with such great people!
Well that is about all that I can think of that's noteworthy in life right now. Oh forgot to mention that people in the past keep randomly showing up. I think I've seen more of my ex classmates over the past few weeks than I have in like 4 years? Kinda weird, but it's nice to see that some people are doing well. Others... Well lets just say have made some not so good decisions and have even screwed themselves over twofold.
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